So, apparently this is how my drugs work

I know I’m sad, and I know I’m angry; I just don’t feel sad, and I don’t feel angry. There is simply a calm acknowledgement that I can’t do anything to stop people from misconstruing or misrepresenting my actions and trashing our friendship. I am wistfully sad but I’m not wringing my hands, and I am not crying – not this time. I can’t change the people around me, I can’t give them patience or insight, and I can only repeat my apologies and explanations to deliberately deafened ears so many times. I’m not doing it any more. And somehow, that feels fine.